I know this is all out of the blue but I just wanted to say that I loved you. No, don’t worry. I don’t any longer but I did for quite sometime. I just could never tell you. It would have been wrong of me to tell you anyway. You had a girlfriend even before I came to know you. Yes, I knew about her before we became friends. Our friends gossip a lot as you know. It didn’t matter to me that you had a girlfriend till I fell for you.
I don’t know how or why it happened. You were so different from anyone else. You would say the most inane joke ever and I couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe it was the way you said it. Maybe it was your expression. I don’t know. You could never sing a song right, mixing up lyrics wildly like going for a mix and match marathon. You never replied straight to a question. I would be so exasperated I would want to hit you but just that instant you would say something and would go from being crazy to cute. You had the silkiest hair that would fall on your face. Man, was I jealous of your hair. Ofcourse, I wanted to run my fingers through them nevertheless.
I don’t know when my friendship turned to love or atleast what I think is love. My day would be incomplete without talking to you. I hated it when everyone complimented me but you were not in that crowd. I loved when you called, hated when you didn’t. I never tired of speaking to you and I was, still am, not a phone person. I loved the way you claimed things that were mine. Had anyone else done that, they would have gotten a smack on their face but not you.
All the while, I knew you had someone in your life already but I couldn’t help my feelings. I had no ill will against her, I just thought she was damn lucky to have you. It was then that I wrote my first poem, many followed later. So, I guess I need to thank you for awakening the writing bug in me. When I left, I wished you would say something but all I got was a handshake. It is rightly said that love turns you into fools — it had turned me into a fool. But, hey, you were my first love.
A year later, I heard you guys broke up. I don’t know if that’s true. We never really talked about her and well we didn’t talk much at the time. Maybe I should have been a friend then but I was still hung up on you to not trust my feelings. And I didn’t want to lose your friendship. When I started writing, I hoped you would be as proud of me as you were of her newspaper article. I remember you had got it one day and were showing it to us. And well none of us had shown any interest. Sorry about that. But could you do me the favour of reading my stories and commenting, you idiot!
Lastly, it’s been five years since we first met. Now when we meet, I don’t talk crazy in front of you, I don’t sit like a dud doll or rather walk away abruptly because I can’t handle being near you. So, now you know why I acted weird or spoke harshly all those times. It wasn’t easy being a friend.
You are a good guy and unfortunately you still make me laugh harder than anyone else I know. I wish you had a brother or something like that. Or maybe I could just find a guy who’s a cartoon like you.
Always your friend